Blue Christmas
by Nicoley117-TheBlueMartini
Summary: Written for The Death Eaters Holidays Competition: Tells of how Severus Snape celebrates the holiday season, which really isn't a celebration at all.


**A/N: **Hello All!

This is a oneshot I decided to write for _The Death Eaters Holidays Competition_ hosted by Flyinglion and Muchcoffee!

Hope you'll enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Harry Potter!

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_December 23__rd__, 1995_

With his hooded cloak billowing behind him, he plowed through the snow, determined to reach his destination.

He didn't need to look through the names on all the graves to find out which one was hers. He'd been here enough to know exactly where her grave was located.

Once he reached the white marble headstone, his eyes glanced over the engraved words, but lingered on the word most important to him.

_Lily._

Today was December 23rd. He'd kept his date with her. He's been keeping his date with her for the past 25 years.

As the snowflakes fell upon his hood and his large, hooked nose, the memories began to flood through him.

Lily had always loved the Christmas holiday. She was always baking Christmas cookies, singing carols, and constantly decorating anything and everything throughout the month of December.

And once she'd found out that Christmas was pretty non-existent for Snape at his house, she had insisted that they hold their own Christmas celebration together.

At first, he'd been a bit reluctant. He was obsessed with learning different curses and hexes-and just about everything associated with the Dark Arts. Participating in a holiday that was all about joy and spreading good cheer didn't exactly fit him.

But with Lily, everything was different. Everything was _always _different with Lily.

When they were both 10 years old, they agreed to meet on December 23rd at the playground where they had first met.

Snape didn't know what to give to her as a Christmas gift. He didn't really have any money to go buy anything, so he had decided to snoop through one of his mother's old jewelry boxes and found a simple green-beaded bracelet to give to Lily.

When he arrived at the playground during the late afternoon of December 23rd, he saw that Lily was bending down near a little bush that she was decorating with strings of popcorn and tinsel.

_He walked up behind her, but the snow crunching beneath his feet caused her to whip around and see him. _

"_Hi Severus!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm really sorry about this not being a real Christmas tree…and there's not many decorations…Tuney was going to tell Mom if I took some from our house…so this was all I could get!" _

_Snape reluctantly smiled at her. _

"…_And I wanted this to be the perfect Christmas for you and now it's not because of this awful tree…which is really a bush!" Lily was beginning to grow so upset about her imperfect Christmas tree that tears were about to burst from her eyes. _

_Snape noticed this and attempted to prevent it from happening. "No, Lily, no…it's fine."_

_This didn't seem to help much, since Lily then sat in the snow and buried her face in her mitten-covered hands. _

_Snape was at a complete loss as to what to do now. "Uh, I-I have a p-present for you..." He stuck out his hand towards her, which was holding a gift that was horribly wrapped with newspaper. _

_Uncovering her face, Lily stared at the gift intently. Then she carefully took it from his hands and gently opened it._

"_Severus! It's so pretty!" She exclaimed as she immediately put it on her wrist. All previous signs of teardrops had vanished._

_Then she got herself up off from the ground, ran to Snape and hugged him. "Thanks, Severus!"_

_Unsure of how to react, Snape just limply hugged back._

"_I have something for you too!" Lily said, as she went to grab a box that was sitting on the ground a few feet away. _

_She then placed the box in Snape's hands. "They're Christmas cookies! My mom and I made them this morning! I hope you'll like them."_

_Snape smiled back at her. _

_Then for the next hour or so, they finished decorating the tree with what little supplies Lily had and played on the playground, while Lily attempted to teach Snape some Christmas songs._

From ages 10 to 15, they had always met on December 23rd to hold their own Christmas celebration.

But when Snape was 16, he messed up. He _really _messed up.

He had called Lily, his best friend, a _Mudblood._

The memory of it continues to torment him to this day. That moment forever ruined his friendship with Lily. It has been one of his greatest regrets.

In the beginning of sixth year, Lily refused to speak to him. However, he had hoped she would at least continue their Christmas tradition.

_That year, on December 23rd, he had shown up at the playground holding various things to give to Lily-a stocking he had personally sewn together, some burnt Christmas cookies that he made, and an ornament that he had also made._

_All of these items were made by him and without any use of magic. He knew he had to prove to Lily that he didn't despise Muggle-borns. He had to show her that he didn't find doing things the muggle-way to be below him. He had to convince her that he didn't mean to call her a Mudblood._

_He stood there in the snow by their Christmas bush and waited for her to show up. More and more snowflakes began to fall and the freezing wind blew at his face. Still, he stood there waiting, strongly believing that Lily would eventually show up. _

_After a half hour, Snape found that he was tired of holding Lily's gifts, and decided to place them on the ground beneath the bush._

_While doing so, he noticed a little wooden box was sitting there under the bush. _

_He picked up the wooden box and opened it. Inside there was a white envelope with 'Severus Snape' scrawled on it, in what Snape knew to be Lily's handwriting._

_At once, Snape pulled the envelope out, letting the box fall to the ground, and tore the envelope open._

_Inside, there was a note:_

_Sev-_

_I know today was the day_

_of our Christmas celebration-I didn't forget._

_However, I can't forget what you called _

_me a few months ago either, as well_

_as your continuously growing love for_

_the Dark Arts. I'm not sure if we can ever be _

_friends again. Sorry._

_Have a good Christmas._

_Sincerely,_

_Lily_

_He shoved the note in his pocket, and stalked back to his house, leaving all the gifts under the bush._

Lily never showed up on December 23rd for the following years. But Snape always did.

He knew she'd never show up, but he always felt compelled to go as a way to cling on to old memories of the times he and Lily spent together.

And then when she died, he started visiting her grave instead so she actually could still sort of _be _there.

So here Snape was, in front of Lily's grave, to simply wish her a Merry Christmas and think of the Christmases past that they had had together.

He took out his wand and swiftly moved it through the air, causing some poinsettias to appear on the grave.

For a few minutes, he just stood there silently.

But then he felt the Dark Mark burn on his arm, causing him to let out a frustrated sigh.

But that burn was nothing compared to the pain of realizing that receiving that Dark Mark was the reason Lily had been led to this grave.

His knees buckled and so he kneeled before the grave.

"Merry Christmas, Lily," he managed to say as his voice cracked.

After a few seconds, he stood back up again, knowing that he'd better hurry to see the Dark Lord.

He had to go to help ultimately set things right.

And with a crack, he disapparated.

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**A/N: **Hope you liked it, and I hope you'll review too!

Happy Holidays!


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